Hiring a lawyer for your California divorce? How a Family Law Coach can help

Thinking about getting a divorce?  Already have one in process – with or without an attorney – and feeling lost?  Not sure where to turn, but are afraid to consult with an attorney and face thousands of dollars in fees?

These were the situations that I saw every day practicing family law litigation for five years.  So many divorcing parties needed help but couldn’t afford full representation.  Most were already quite savvy when it came to the divorce process, but there are some questions that you just really need an attorney’s help and expertise.  But there was no resource for those litigants who wanted help with one specific issue (and not anything else) or one hearing or one declaration.  The free services at the courthouse did the best they could, but were often crowded or couldn’t help with a specific legal issue.  Most traditional attorneys would only take the whole case.  Some litigants tried to do their own research on sites like Nolo Press or others, but still had trouble finding the specific advice needed.

This is where I come in.  My expertise is best used in these situations:

1. You’re thinking about a divorce but have no idea how to proceed or how the process works or what to expect or what the law provides in your situation.  You can get all the advice you can hear from your neighbor, sister and cousin who got divorced, but they are not going to be able to give you specific legal advice.
2. Your divorce is going fine, but you and your spouse are stuck on one issue.  Either you have a sticky area of your divorce that’s holding up settlement (custody, support, property division, etc.), a procedural stumbling block you can’t overcome (how do you move your case forward when the other side is stalling?), or you are having trouble completing documents (what are disclosures?  How do you file your Judgment paperwork?).
3. You have a lawyer but can’t ever get in touch with him/her or feel that s/he is not giving you the attention you want or need.  Or, you think you can do something, and your attorney has said no, and you think that’s wrong.  Most clients don’t want to fire their attorney for fear of having to start over with someone else and pay a lot of money up front.  This is where a Family Law Coach can help to give you a second opinion on how to proceed, at a fraction of the cost of hiring a new lawyer.

Most traditional attorney consultations start blind, that is, the attorney has no idea what your story is.  I work differently as a Family Law Coach, taking as much information as I can in advance of my appointments so that we can spend as much time as possible not gathering the basic information, but rather answering your specific questions and giving you specific advice.  There is no pressure because I have no vested interest in “making the sale” and having you hire me for your case.  With Family Law Coaching services, I can work on a flat fee basis in some instances as well as work on a short-term hourly basis.  High on specific, experienced, attorney advice, low on cost. Make an appointment by clicking here.

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California divorce: My ex is crazy! How do I get the judge to see this?! Why doesn’t he understand?!

So frequently I have someone come to me and tell me that their ex is crazy and they just can’t get the judge to see it and understand. They give me dozens of examples of what he or she has done, telling me that it’s just not fair that the judge doesn’t see it. In these cases, there’s generally a couple things going on that we have to keep in mind.

First, the reality is that if your ex is crazy, then there’s a pretty high likelihood that the crazy behaviors spill over to you as well. Of course, your excuse is going to be that s/he makes me act crazy! And this may be the case, but from where the judge is sitting, it doesn’t matter. If you both are acting crazy, then the judge is not going to see a difference in the craziness.

Second, you have to learn how to back up your claims. If you say your ex is crazy and then give examples of the craziness that do not include hard, verifiable facts, then the judge won’t believe you. For example, if you say you showed up at the appointed time to pick up little Joey, and your ex wasn’t there, then your ex is going to be given the opportunity to respond. Your ex may say you were six hours late, didn’t show up at the right place, or showed up on a motorcycle and wanted to take little five year-old Joey away on it. You need substantiation. If your exchange spot is McDonald’s, go in and buy something and keep the time-stamped receipt. Take a picture of yourself in your car – time and date stamped – showing you were at your ex’s house at the appointed time. If you were ordered to contact a mediator or therapist or other professional and your ex won’t cooperate, then get an email showing YOUR contact and acknowledgement that your ex has failed to communicate. You have to give the judge something to go on.

Finally, you have to learn how to talk in court. Keep your emotions down. Stick to the facts. Do not engage in conversation with your ex – talk to the judge. Be respectful at all times, no matter what. If the judge is not hearing you, ask to be heard on an issue. Say thank you at the end, even if you’ve lost.

You have to gain credibility and use it, which can take time. You also have to distance yourself from the craziness so that you don’t get pulled into it.

Mediation for California divorce & family law disputes: What is it? Why is it helpful? Who needs it?

Mediation for California divorce & family law disputes: What is it? Mediation is a way for couples to resolve their family law case (divorce, custody, support, visitation, asset division) outside of court. The couple can work with or without attorneys, and they meet with a mediator (that’s me) to discuss the issues before them in their case. Depending on the case, the number of issues to resolve and the intensity of the dispute, mediation can take two to many more sessions. In most of my cases, the issues are resolved in about two meetings.

Why is it helpful? Mediation is helpful for a variety of reasons. First, it’s MUCH cheaper than each spouse hiring their own attorney. Mediation can cost from about $3,000-10,000 TOTAL while just hiring an attorney for ONE spouse can be as much as $5,000 to start. Second, couples in mediation can come to agreements that the court is not permitted to make. For example, if the couple wants to make provisions for the payment of their child’s college expenses, then they can. The court is not permitted to make sure orders. Third, mediation is private, so the couple does not have to air their dirty laundry (and finances) in public court documents. Finally, mediation is a way for couples to OWN the agreements they make. Individuals in a dispute are more likely to disobey a court order handed down by a judge (who doesn’t know you, doesn’t know your situation, and makes a decision based on a few short minutes of listening to argument) than they are an agreement they developed themselves. There’s buy-in for decisions made in mediation, which makes all the difference in the world. As a side benefit, mediators are trained in diffusing the emotions of a family law case…and court proceedings are not really known for this.

Who needs it? Anyone with a family law case who would like to preserve their finances for themselves instead of spending it all on attorneys. Also, family law litigants who want to ensure that their children are as minimally damaged by the divorce as possible.

What’s not to like about mediation?

Your family law hearing in California divorce: child custody, child visitation, child support, spousal support, attorney fees…

In most family law cases, one or both parties need the court to help them with initial matters, such as child custody, child visitation, child support, spousal support, and attorney fees.  Because the parties cannot agree on how to handle these matters, a motion is filed with the court, asking the court to make orders on these issues.

After you file your motion with the court, you have to serve it on your opponent. Hopefully, you know that already. Once your opponent receives your motion, he or she has time to file a response. By filing your paperwork in advance, you each have the opportunity to review what the other is saying, and prepare your response to it. This is important because you should never be forced to respond to something about which you do not have advance warning. This goes both ways: you can’t spring something on your opponent and get away with it.

When you get to court on your appointed day and time, remember the following:

1. Get there early to allow yourself to get lost (and find it), to get the layout of the place, and to have time to get settled and take a deep breath.
2. Read the signs posted in and around the courtroom, as these will give you a lot of information about what is going to happen and the specific court’s procedures. Determine which notes apply to you and act accordingly.
3. Take a deep breath and try to relax. You may be waiting a long time.
4. You will probably have the check in and let the court know you are present. Often you check in and give your name (and sometimes case number) to the bailiff or the courtroom clerk.
5. Most counties have a rule regarding a “meet and confer” prior to being heard by the judge. This is a requirement that you at least try to talk to your opponent to work out your differences before the judge will hear your dispute. DO NOT avoid this if it is a county rule in your county, as it will anger the judge that you ignored the rule – and do it even if there is no rule. Making the judge mad is a big no-no in my book.
6. When your case is called, announce your name and approach the tables in front of the judge. You’ll get an opportunity to present your side of the argument, and it’s helpful if you have notes responding to what your opponent is going to say. You know what your opponent is going to say because you read his or her paperwork and also talked to him or her immediately prior to the hearing.
7. Don’t make the judge mad. If he or she cautions you because you have done or said something inappropriate, be sure NOT to repeat your error. One thing that makes most judges mad: interrupting. If you have something to say, find the right time to say it rather than interrupting your opponent or the judge.
8. Once the judge has heard enough, she or he will say so and announce the order. THIS IS WHAT YOU CAME FOR! Take detailed notes because you will need to create a written order from the judge’s words.
9. Before you leave, ask the court for the “Minute Order,” which is the court’s informal notes of the results of the hearing. You can use this to prepare the order. Also, find out which party is preparing the order. Whoever brought the motion generally does this.
10. Thank the judge as you leave, whether you won or lost. Judges work hard and deserve your thanks for taking their time to help you. You may not like their decision, but thank them anyway.

Getting what you want in divorce: The case for coaching

I often say that, logistically-speaking, divorce is not especially difficult, but it’s different.  If we remove the emotional aspect and the conflict, preparing the paperwork and going through the process is not particularly complex.  But when you have a family, a career, and a life, it can be impossible to take the time to learn the ins and outs of divorce law and process. Unfortunately, too, there are too few resources available in California for individuals to work through the process on their own.

There are a great many good books on the subject, and Nolo Press (www.nolo.com) has a wonderful book, How to do your own divorce in California.  This is a great primer on the basics of California divorce.  Usually, however, every divorce, even the most amicable ones, have one or two unusual or sticky issues that do not fit into the basic divorce issues covered in this book.  What is an individual to do when he or she just wants specific advice on a specific issue?

Every county has some kind of free legal resources, generally through the courthouse.  Most often, though, these resources are not intended to help with legal advice or strategy, but rather are there to help you fill out forms. It can be frustrating to wait in line to get some advice, only to be told that advice is not offered.  Another option is to do a consultation with an attorney, but many attorneys will not give specific advice until hired. You may not need full representation for the advice you need, and – indeed – you may not have several thousand dollars to pay for the answer to (what you think is) a simple question!

The answer is family law coaching, which is a concept I created when I saw this gap in services for divorcing parties. I work with my clients in advance of even our first meeting, gathering both basic information as well as documents, history and questions that you are looking to answer.  Instead of spending our consultation time gathering information from you, I am spending this time answering your specific questions and giving you the legal advice you want and need. I met with a client over the weekend who had already seen three different divorce attorneys. Each of them wanted $2,600 or more to help him with his case.  What he wanted was advice and answers, which none of the prior attorneys had offered him.  When we met, I had already reviewed his prior custody order, his intake form, and his questions for our meeting.  We spent our time together going over the process and h0w to approach his pending motion preparation, mediation, and court hearing. I even helped him to fill out his forms during our meeting, so he left knowing the legal strategy with which to proceed, what forms to file and how, and how to be as successful as possible in his motion…all for the price of one consultation.  If you find yourself in a situation where you are looking for advice on a specific issue and can’t seem to find what you need, give me a call and we can talk to determine if I am the right person to help you.

Is it helpful or harmful that your lawyer knows your ex’s lawyer?

Over the five years that I worked a;most exclusively in Solano County, I got to know the other lawyers in that county quite well.  I knew who was a pushover, who was sharp as a tack, who would cave right before trial, who was sneaky, who I could trust, and who would mean the case would cost double or triple what I expected.  Often, my clients would ask about the other lawyer, and I would share what I knew.

Often, too, my clients would express dismay, frustration and sometimes even anger that I knew and was friendly with the other lawyer.  They thought it would make me “softer” and not fight as hard for them.  They thought my friendship came “above” my responsibilities to them as a client.  It’s unfortunate that I was unable to convince them of how very wrong they were.  I am not the only one who has experienced this, and this article describes well what I am explaining here.

First, they never understood that I take my job and my responsibility to vigorously advocate for my clients very seriously.  Regardless of who is opposing me, I am going to fight for my client in the same way.  I operate by acting in my client’s best interests, and we discuss our strategy before every case.  I will be more cautious when working with someone I can’t trust, but my behavior does not change markedly from case to case and client to client.  Obviously, when pushed I will push back and I can – and will – get down in the trenches and fight when appropriate.  But in many cases this is not necessary and serves only to escalate the cost of the case.

Second, by knowing my opposing counsel, I know what to expect from them, good or bad.  When it’s a friend of mine, I can expect that they won’t blindside me or screw me over.  That helps my client, helps the case, and keeps costs down.

Similarly, my friends trust me as well, so they are more likely to work more easily with me and, as a consequence, work with their client to make the case more reasonable.  In cases with lawyers I am friendly with, there’s more of an attitude of “trust but verify” – we can agree on things in principle, while proof is in process.  With other lawyers, we may need to more through expensive discovery before we can even sit down to start to discuss the issues.  While it may seem that time cools the fires of anger, resentment and vengefulness, it is often the opposite. The longer the case drags on, the harder it can be to settle.

So, which would you prefer?  I would want an attorney who knew my opposing counsel well, and was friendly with them.

What is conservatorship in California? Part Two: The process

So, you have a loved one who is no longer capable of taking care of themselves.  Last time, we talked about what a conservatorship is and why you may need one.  Now, we’ll look at the process. Unfortunately, the process is long and can be expensive.  Which is why it is so critical to get a power of attorney ahead of time for your loved ones.  Did you know that your children should have a power of attorney once they reach 18?  If your child is injured, you may not get automatic access to medical records and to make decisions on your adult teen’s behalf.  There’s more information in my article, Have a child heading to college? A few legal documents they need before they leave the house.

The bottom line is that every adult – every adult – needs to have a Power of Attorney in place to protect them should they become injured or otherwise incapacitated.  To be able to make decisions on another’s behalf, a power of attorney is required.  In addition, the health information privacy laws (HIPAA) will restrict who can see medical records unless you have a HIPAA-specific waiver.  If you’re concerned about your loved one not having a power of attorney, and their unwillingness to get one, then get one yourself so you can speak to the process and experience.

If you don’t have one and your loved one becomes incapacitated, then you will need to go to court to apply for a consevatorship.  Once the conservatorship is filed, which in California can cost $400 or more just for the court filing, the paperwork needs to be send to all first-degree relatives (children, parents, siblings, etc.).  A hearing is set to grant or deny the temporary conservatorship, and then a hearing is set for the permanent conservatorship, generally a couple months out.  In the meantime, any other relatives can file their own objections to your petition.  In addition, a court-appointed investigator talks with you, the family member who you think needs a conservatorship, doctors, caregivers, and everyone around in order to do a report for the court, either recommending the conservatorship or not recommending it.

In cases where the family is all on the same page, the process generally goes smoothly.  But this doesn’t change the fact that it can take six months or more, and cost several thousand dollars to accomplish.

What a Family Law Coach can do for you & why it can be better than traditional representation

Family Law Coaching is a concept that I created to fill in what I perceived as a wide gap between expensive lawyer representation and the low-cost divorce services available in California.  Sometimes you need an attorney to represent you in all aspects of your case, but not always.  Sometimes you just need a little help in certain areas.  This is where Family Law Coaching can be ideal.