Emotions in California divorce: Why managing them is critical

It is said that death, divorce, and moving are the three top stressors we can have in our life. There is no question that experiencing a family law case is stressful, difficult, and certainly emotional, sometimes extremely.

Many family law clients get a little confused at least once during their case – understandably so – and start to believe that their lawyer is also their therapist and general counsel on all things. While it is absolutely possible, and perhaps desirable, to get close to your family law counsel, you still have to draw the line.

Attorneys are not trained to counsel you on emotional issues. In fact, I counseled most of my clients that we needed to put the emotions aside and treat the case as much like a business transaction as possible.

Attorneys are also much more expensive than therapists, sometimes by three or four times. It is in your best interest to talk to a professional – a professional counselor – to help you with the emotional aspects of your family law case. Not only will your wallet benefit, but you will be able to deal with your case in a better way – which can also lead to better decisions.

The stages of divorce

Divorce is one of the top five most difficult life experiences, up there with the death of a loved one.  In a sense, it IS a death – the death of a marriage.  Because it is like a death, most divorcing individuals go through some form of the stages of grief as outlined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her well-known book, On Death and Dying.  Someone going through divorce should be familiar with these stages to be able to recognize them and get through them.  You don’t want to make a critical decision in your divorce when you’re going through anger or bargaining or depression – best to let it pass and don’t make rash or hurried decisions.

An article I read recently talks about the Stages of Divorce: Break-Up, Breakdown,. Breakthrough, and Breakover.  This article is an interesting take on the stages of divorce that I thought you might enjoy.

California divorce: when did you know it was over?

Here are some comments from Huffington Post readers on the moment they knew their marriage was over. In California divorce, this is a critical issue because of the importance of the date of separation, so I frequently hear about these moments. When did you first realize your marriage was over?

Getting through your California divorce

There are many aspects of California divorce: there are the legal aspects, obviously, and the financial aspects. But there are also the emotional aspects and the lifestyle aspects that are too often overlooked. Divorce is, above all, a process and an adjustment, and we need lots of support, in various manifestations, to get through it.  Here is some advice on this very topic.

Emotions of child and spousal support – for recipient and payor

One of the hot button issues in divorce is child and spousal support. It’s a hot button because it involves money, and money is the leading cause of divorce. Many couples are already tense about money, and when you add in the support issue, things can blow up. The problem is one of simple math:

You have one household surviving on the income of two parties. You take that household and divide it in two when the couple separates, and you have the same amount of money (not enough) now supporting two households instead of one. Ouch.

Regardless of who moves out and who is the spouse paying for child and/or spousal support, it hurts both parties. The one paying can see in his or her paycheck that the amount being brought home is, in some cases, actually smaller than the amount being paid for support. The one being paid just looks at the money coming in and the bills to be paid, and can’t quite see how to resolve the disparity.

Arguments, often heated ones, ensue. The key is to recognize that not only is this going to happen, but to catch it early and address it. It isn’t going to be easy for either of the spouses, and they had better be prepared. Both spouses, in most cases, are working hard to maintain their lives while they go through the difficult time, and a small amount of understanding goes a long way.

Being thankful for your divorce. Wait, what?

One week past the Thanksgiving holiday, and I wonder if we’re able to continue the feeling of gratitude from that day.  Are there reasons you can think of to be thankful for your divorce?  Here are some reasons to be thankful for divorce.

Things you need to know about California divorce

I always tell my clients that divorce in California takes longer than they ever imagined and will be more difficult and expensive than they could hope.  There are no easy divorces, and divorce in the best of circumstances is still difficult because it is the breaking up of a family.  Here is a list of one author’s advice on divorce, which I found to be very helpful.