An attorney who makes house calls?!

Yes, I make house calls.  In fact, the majority of my appointments are in my client’s homes.  I do have an office in Dublin, & several other offices around the Bay Area for Elder Law clients (VA and MediCal benefit planning clients), but I find that the house calls are more common, more appreciated, and better all around.  Here’s why:

1. Many of my clients are older and appreciate not having to travel to an appointment.  I had a client who lived just about 6 miles from my office, but in his mind, my office was in another country!
2. I offer flexible appointment times, such as weekends and evenings, so making the appointment at a client’s home is easier for travel.
3. I appreciate being able to avoid Bay Area traffic, so I work with my clients so we all avoid it.
4. I am not the kind of attorney who sits in her office all day, waiting for the phone to ring, so I am often on the go anyway.
5. It’s not weird.  Really, it never is.  We usually sit in the dining room, at the table, and everyone is more relaxed and comfortable.
6. Ah, comfort.  No one likes to talk about their eventual demise and dividing up their stuff amongst their family.  Being in a safe, familiar environment instead of a stuffy attorney’s office can make it easier (not that my office is stuffy!).
7.  I work with networking partners who work all over the Bay Area, and if I have a referral from Santa Rosa or South San Jose, I can work with them due to my willingness to travel.

My tag line is “Unlike any attorneys you’ve ever met.”  I use this because many of my clients, friends and referral partners tell me this.  I want to blast the stereotypes of lawyers being distant, hard to reach and talk to, stuffy, boring, inflexible, and dismissive.  I know that my clients are putting their lives into my hands, so I want to treat that as if it is the most precious gift, as it is.  My clients and their families deserve the best, so this is what I give to them.

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Looking for a free California divorce consultation? Why it’s not worth the money

I came across an article recently that purported to give advice on how to select a divorce attorney.  One of the bits of advice was that most “reputable” attorneys will offer a free consultation.  I was stunned to hear this, as I think the precise opposite!  The free consultation from the divorce attorney is a loss leader, which means that it’s free because the attorney is looking for the potential client to pay the big bucks at the end of the consultation. In addition, the attorney doesn’t offer anything of value to the potential client during the free consultation, so why would it cost anything?!

Remember, you get what you pay for!

Many attorneys offer a free or reduced-cost consultation and the appointment goes like this: the potential client arrives and fills out some paperwork, finishing after about 10-15 minutes.  Then s/he waits another 5-10 minutes, so the actual appointment starts at least 15 minutes into the alloted “hour.”  The attorney, naturally, want to know what’s going on, so the potential client spends at least 20-30 minutes – often this is closer to 45 minutes – telling their “story” to the attorney.  So, at this point, it’s been 45 minutes to an hour, and the attorney has yet to *do* anything but sit and listen.  At the end of the consultation, the attorney says, well, yes. I can help you with that.  And the retainer will be $10,000.  Or $5,000.  Or $20,000.  So the potential client has paid nothing to get nothing but a very high retainer quote, and the client has (unless s/he has the money) wasted an hour or so of time.

Is that worth it?  Are these the practices of a “reputable” attorney?

A paid consultation can be more worthwhile, as they tend to be a little longer and involve more attorney advice and counsel.  Often, the intake sheet is sent in advance, and the “hour” spent is really an hour – hopefully, an hour spent gathering real, useful, and practice advice that the individual can use.

Another option is what we do: we take your information and story ahead of time (!) in the form of documents, email, faxes, a letter, etc., we have the intake form completed in advance, and spend most of the full hour with you, giving YOU real advice that you can use now.  Yes, the consultation costs, but you get what you pay for.

Which would you choose? Use the link at the right to make an appointment online.

Thinking about filing for divorce? Don’t miss these critical first steps

Are you thinking of filing for divorce?  Had it with your spouse?  Before you pull the trigger, so to speak, and file for divorce, do some investigating and some collecting.  You’ll be glad you did.  Specifically:

1. Gather copies of financial documents, such as tax returns (at least the past three years), bank statements (go back several months to a year), investment accounts, and business records.  Print them out in case you lose access.
2. Keep the copies in a secure location away from your home.  Try a friend or relative’s home or your workplace.
3. Secure and possessions you’d be heartbroken to lose, especially anything breakable or very valuable. If your spouse “loses” your father’s antique watch, it’ll be up to you to prove it was your spouse’s fault.
4. Learn your rights.  Listening to your friends, relatives and neighbors about what happened in their divorce will not help you one little bit as each divorce is individual to the circumstances of the couple.  Consult with a licensed lawyer or Family Law Coach in your area, and don’t feel pressured to hire someone at this point.  Do some fact-finding.  Read some books on divorce in your area.
5. Learn your responsibilities.  Just as critical as rights, what you have to do as a member of a divorcing couple, and perhaps a parent, is as critical.  You don’t want to damage your children, your future, or your credit by not understanding what’s best for you to do.
6. Consider counseling, like now.  Divorce is so difficult that it’s considered one of the five major life events/traumas.  The legal process is not designed to help you through the emotional aspects, and it won’t.  It will likely make them worse.  Find a counselor, find a divorce support group, talk to your church, or discover some way to deal with the emotional aspects.
7. Learn the process.  Divorce, as I have mentioned before, takes far longer and is far more expensive then you ever anticipate.  If you’re not aware of this at the outset, then the delays, disappointments and cost can become quickly and repeatedly overwhelming.
8. Open your own bank account, without your spouse’s name on it.  Just before you file, if you have money in a savings account, consider transferring HALF of the money – just half – into that account.  Check with a lawyer in your area first, however, to make sure you don’t get in trouble later for doing this, as every state has different rules.

The more prepared you are in advance, the easier the process will be.  Divorce is so difficult that it’s well worth your time and effort to make it easier, because when you’re going through it, you’ll appreciate each and every break you can manage.  And you could end up like this couple, whose divorce “rehearsal” actually saved their marriage. Ready for more information? Make an appointment online by clicking here.

Getting divorced? How as-needed attorney services can help get you through the process & not break the bank

Thinking about getting a divorce?  Already have one in process – with or without an attorney – and feeling lost?  Not sure where to turn, but are afraid to consult with an attorney and face thousands of dollars in fees?

These were the situations that I saw every day practicing family law litigation for several years.  So many divorcing parties needed help but couldn’t afford full representation.  Most were already quite savvy when it came to the divorce process, but there are some questions that you just really need an attorney’s help and expertise.  But there was no resource for those litigants who wanted help with one specific issue (and not anything else) or one hearing or one declaration.  The free services at the courthouse did the best they could, but were often crowded or couldn’t help with a specific legal issue.  Most traditional attorneys would only take the whole case.  Some litigants tried to do their own online research, but still had trouble finding the specific advice needed…plus that can get really overwhelming really fast.

We decided to start offering clients as-needed services for their divorce cases, so we can help with smaller issues that come up and not take on the entire case. In formal, legal terms, this is called “unbundled services.” Since most non-lawyers don’t know that term, we use the phrase “as needed” services.

This is where we come in.  Our expertise is best used in these situations:

1. You’re thinking about a divorce but have no idea how to proceed or how the process works or what to expect or what the law provides in your situation.  You can get all the advice you can hear from your neighbor, sister and cousin who got divorced, but they are not going to be able to give you specific legal advice.
2. Your divorce is going fine, but you and your spouse are stuck on one issue.  Either you have a sticky area of your divorce that’s holding up settlement (custody, support, property division, etc.), a procedural stumbling block you can’t overcome (how do you move your case forward when the other side is stalling?), or you are having trouble completing documents (what are disclosures?  How do you file your Judgment paperwork?).
3. You have a lawyer but can’t ever get in touch with him/her or feel that s/he is not giving you the attention you want or need.  Or, you think you can do something, and your attorney has said no, and you think that’s wrong.  Most clients don’t want to fire their attorney for fear of having to start over with someone else and pay a lot of money up front.  This is where a Family Law Coach can help to give you a second opinion on how to proceed, at a fraction of the cost of hiring a new lawyer.

Most traditional attorney consultations start blind, that is, the attorney has no idea what your story is.  We work a little differently, taking as much information as we can in advance of your appointments so that we can spend as much time as possible not gathering the basic information, but rather answering your specific questions and giving you specific advice.  There is no pressure because I have no vested interest in “making the sale” and having you hire me for your case.  With unbundled services, we can work on a flat fee basis in some instances as well as work on a short-term hourly basis.  High on specific, experienced, attorney advice, low on cost.

How to prepare for your California divorce: Critical first steps

Is there anyone out there anymore who doesn’t know someone who is getting divorced or thinking about it?

The first question on anyone’s mind is what will happen? The most common concerns are about money – rent, bills and health insurance – as well as children. Where will they live? How will we share custody? What are my rights?

Basically, you want to know: what do I need to know NOW so that the process is easier, smoother, and I don’t get in trouble?

Sadly, it can seem nearly impossible to find out this information. If you go to see a lawyer, he or she will spend most of the time trying to convince you to pay out thousands of dollars in a retainer. Trying to find relevant, informative, accurate and current information on the internet is like trying to sort sand on the beach.

So, what can you do? One solution is to consult with an attorney, but say up front that you only want information and do not intend to retain. That can work sometimes, but not all lawyers are equal, and the information you get can be of varied usefulness. You can research on your own – for example, Nolo Press has some GREAT resources. Be sure you stick with state-specific information, however, since state divorce laws vary widely. You can check out my FREE 7-day divorce series on how to save money when getting divorced. Or, you can try family law coaching, which is what I do.

Here are some tips to get you started:

1. Scan or copy your important documents, like tax returns, bank and credit accounts, retirement and 401K statements, mortgage statements, house and car title deeds, etc.
2. Change your powers of attorney before you file. You may also consider severing your joint tenancy.
3. Get all the most sentimental items out of your house, particularly if they are breakable and/or you have a spouse prone to angry outbursts.
4. Courts like to continue the status quo, so if you plan to make a change (go back to school, change your children’s school, start medical treatment, get braces for your children), then start that before you file for divorce.
5. Talk to a lawyer so you know your rights in your specific situation.
6. Consider getting a post office box.
7. Understand what the date of separation means so you don’t hurt yourself by filing too early or too late.
8. Prepare mentally. Deciding on getting the divorce is not the hard part. It’s only the beginning. Consider going to therapy, even if you think you don’t need it. If insurance covers it, it couldn’t hurt.

Your California divorce: My ex is crazy! How do I get the judge to see this?! Why doesn’t the court understand?!

So frequently I have someone come to me and tell me that their ex is crazy and they just can’t get the judge to see it and understand. They give me dozens of examples of what he or she has done, telling me that it’s just not fair that the judge doesn’t see it. In these cases, there’s generally a couple things going on that we have to keep in mind.

Before we start, however, keep in mind what the court experience is from the judge’s perspective. The judge:

1. doesn’t know who is telling the truth. This may surprise you, but many people lie to the court, and we know it! We just can’t always tell who is the truthful one without evidence;
2. (2) doesn’t know you. If you’re the most truth-telling truth teller in the world, the judge doesn’t know that – yep, you guessed it, without evidence;and
3. (3) is trying to make the most reasonable decision possible given the circumstances and request(s) before the court, which means giving equal weight to what each person says (both truth-telling you and your lying liar ex) because that’s all they can do in a short hearing where they don’t know who is telling the truth and doesn’t have any outside information (filed documents are usually much like the spoken argument in court) about who you each are.

What this means is that you have to be careful when you’re trying to show any kind of instability or “craziness” in divorce court. You can do it, but there’s a bit of an art to it, and it’s easy to mess up and

First, the reality is that if your ex is crazy, then there’s a pretty high likelihood that the crazy behaviors spill over to you as well. Of course, your excuse is going to be that s/he makes me act crazy! And this may be the case, but from where the judge is sitting, it doesn’t matter. If you both are acting crazy, then the judge is not going to see a difference in the craziness.

Second, you have to learn how to back up your claims. If you say your ex is crazy and then give examples of the craziness that do not include hard, verifiable facts, then the judge won’t believe you. For example, if you say you showed up at the appointed time to pick up little Joey, and your ex wasn’t there, then your ex is going to be given the opportunity to respond. Your ex may say you were six hours late, didn’t show up at the right place, or showed up on a motorcycle and wanted to take little five year-old Joey away on it. You need substantiation. If your exchange spot is McDonald’s, go in and buy something and keep the time-stamped receipt. Take a picture of yourself in your car – time and date stamped – showing you were at your ex’s house at the appointed time. If you were ordered to contact a mediator or therapist or other professional and your ex won’t cooperate, then get an email showing YOUR contact and acknowledgement that your ex has failed to communicate. You have to give the judge something to go on.

Finally, you have to learn how to talk in court. Keep your emotions down. Stick to the facts. Do not engage in conversation with your ex – talk to the judge. Be respectful at all times, no matter what. If the judge is not hearing you, ask to be heard on an issue. Say thank you at the end, even if you’ve lost.

You have to gain credibility and use it, which can take time. You also have to distance yourself from the craziness so that you don’t get pulled into it.

How to file for divorce in California

In general, filing a family law case is fairly simple (legally-speaking. Emotionally? A totally different story). For a divorce or paternity case, the process is about the same. You need to file a Summons (different for each case), which basically just identifies you and your opponent and states that you are suing your opponent. With the Summons, you have to file a Petition (again, different for divorce and paternity), which is the ‘meat’ of the filing. The Petition specifies what’s going on and what you want, and defines the universe of options for your case.

For example, as I mentioned in an earlier post, if you want to be able to get spousal support at any time during your case, you MUST mark that box in your Petition. If you don’t, then it comes off the table completely. You need to file your Petition correctly, and there can be tricky elements, but for the most part it is fairly simple.

Finally, if you have children, you need to file the Declaration Under Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA). This form sounds scarier than it is, as it’s simply where your child has lived for the last five years.

Of course, if you are asking for any orders, such as a custody or visitation order, child or spousal support, or anything else, you have to file other forms. But merely filing your case involves just these three forms: Summons, Petition, and UCCJEA.

Forms in California divorce: Navigating the document overload

Forms, forms, forms. The life of a family law litigant is filled with forms. The first thing you will file is your Summons and Petition, then every time you want something, you will have to file another form (or two or three). Completing your case involves even more forms.

The bad news? The forms are complicated, confusing, and far from user-friendly. One example is just the title. The title of the form, the name of it, is located at the bottom of it, which is probably the last place you’d look for a title.

More bad news? You MUST fill out your forms properly to (1) convey what you want, (2) get what you want, (3) have your documents accepted by the court (and not kicked back unfiled), and (4) complete your case properly.

The worst bad news? Filling out a form can be devastating to your case. For example, if you fail to make the box for “spousal support” on the Petition for divorce when you first file, then you can never ask for it. Ever. (OK so there are ways to amend your Petition, but this is not easy or common, and is far from guaranteed). So if you file and do not ask for spousal support, then your ex, three years later when you’re still fighting, wins the lottery just as you lose your job, you’re out of luck.

Redeeming news? There’s help out there, all over the place. You can even fill out the forms online here: CA Judicial Council Forms. Just be careful.

Ready to make an appointment & get specific information for you & your case? Click here to access our appointment scheduling calendar.

Hiring a Lawyer in California divorce

Some people find it to be very scary to meet with a lawyer. A couple times, I met with potential clients who burst into tears when they came to my office. Some shook with nerves. The person you are meeting with should understand that the meeting itself is a little nerve-wracking, and do all they can to put you at ease.

If you’re meeting with one, hopefully any and all of your anxiety will disappear in the first few seconds of meeting with him/her. If not, then perhaps the person is not the one for you. Attorneys are people too (judges as well, but we’ll get to that later), and you won’t get along with or connect with every one. Some will have personalities or traits or mannerisms or ways of handling their cases that you just don’t like. That’s okay. Your case is YOURS, and you MUST feel comfortable with your representation. Each client is looking for something different. Some want an attorney who is more aggressive and some want one who is more compassionate. Some want – and need – more constant or regular contact, and some are more hands-off. Some want comprehensive control over their case, and some want to leave a lot up to the attorney.

There’s no right or wrong answer to these considerations, but you have to recognize that you do not have to go with the first attorney you meet. There are all kinds of options for you, from doing it yourself using do-it-yourself books, using your county’s resources (like classes, a family court facilitator, or a local “lawyers in the library” service), working with an attorney or coach on an as-needed basis, or hiring a lawyer. And if you decide to hire an attorney, it’s a good idea to shop around a little bit. At least talk to more than one so you can recognize differences in style.

The more you know, the better off you will be during your case.

Ready to make an appointment & get more information? Click here to access our appointment scheduling calendar.

4 reasons why waiting to hire a California divorce attorney is a mistake you don’t want to make

Even if you haven’t filed paperwork with the court or even if you haven’t decided 100% that you want to get divorced, you should consult with an attorney.  When you consult with an attorney, there should be no obligation to hire them, and you should be able to come in and get the advice you need and your questions answered.  At least, when you visit my office, that’s what happens.  I even have my clients fill out a form that specifically asks them what questions they most want answered in the consultation.

Here are some of the reasons why consulting with an attorney before you file is a good idea:

1. If you’ve not decided to divorce yet, you can then at least make an informed decision about what the process is like, the time it takes, the cost, and what you’re entitled to.  Relying on what your cousin Susie or your neighbor John got in his/her divorce will NOT help you.
2. If you have decided to divorce, then you can make sure that you have all the information – documents, financial information, deeds, insurance documents, etc. – gathered together that you will need.  It only takes a flash of anger from your ex to make this information disappear once you’ve filed and served papers.
3. You may make a mistake and not even know it.  On countless occasions I have had to unravel mistakes made by unrepresented clients or clients who have gone to a document preparer or a paralegal to file their paperwork.  It costs much more and takes a great deal of time to undo a mistake than it does to do it right the first time.
4. Mistakes can happen in paperwork, and they can happen in court.  A trained and experienced lawyer is going to know how to act in court and in front of the judge, and if you do so improperly, then you can dig yourself into a hole that’s nearly impossible to get out of.  Your whole life is on the line: your children, your home, your income, your assets, and your future.  Isn’t that worth getting proper advice?

A divorce attorney consultation is a few hundred dollars that will serve you in the long run, and help you to avoid these costly mistakes.