California Divorce Made Easy

Devastating Divorce Mistakes (and how to avoid them)

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Being thankful for your divorce. Wait, what?

As we approach the Thanksgiving holiday, is divorce something that we can be thankful for? Perhaps it’s most difficult in the beginning, but we CAN get to that point.  Are there reasons you can think of to be thankful for your divorce?  Here are some reasons to be thankful for divorce.

Hiring a Lawyer or Coach in California divorce

Some people find it to be very scary to meet with a lawyer. A couple times, I met with potential clients who burst into tears when they came to my office. Some shook with nerves. The person you are meeting with should understand that the meeting itself is a little nerve-wracking, and do all they can to put you at ease.

If you’re meeting with one, hopefully any and all of your anxiety will disappear in the first few seconds of meeting with him/her. If not, then perhaps the person is not the one for you. Attorneys are people too (judges as well, but we’ll get to that later), and you won’t get along with or connect with every one. Some will have personalities or traits or mannerisms or ways of handling their cases that you just don’t like. That’s ok. Your case is YOURS, and you MUST feel comfortable with your representation. Each client is looking for something different. Some want an attorney who is more aggressive and some want one who is more compassionate. Some want – and need – more constant or regular contact, and some are more hands-off. Some want comprehensive control over their case, and some want to leave a lot up to the attorney.

There’s no right or wrong answer to these considerations, but you have to recognize that you do not have to go with the first attorney you meet. There are all kinds of options for you, from doing it yourself using books like those from Nolo Press (, using your county’s resources (like classes or a family court facilitator, or a local “lawyers in the library” service), working with an attorney or coach on an as-needed basis, or hiring a lawyer. And if you decide to hire an attorney, it’s a good idea to shop around a little bit. At least talk to more than one so you can recognize differences in style.

The more you know, the better off you will be during your case.

Preliminary Considerations in California Divorce

There are a lot of things that an attorney or coach can help you with in your divorce, custody, paternity or support case. One thing, however, that they cannot assist you with is making the decision. YOU have to decide if you want to take the step to file your case.

What we can help you out with is by giving you information about what can and will happen if you DO file. We can tell you about how the process will go, potential pitfalls, and possible outcomes. We can talk to you about procedures, strategy, and pros and cons. If you have proper information specific to your situation, then you can make an INFORMED decision.

Sometimes the worst thing you can do is to dive into something you know nothing about. I would strongly encourage someone even thinking about a family law case to consult with an attorney. It does not cost more than a few hundred dollars, and will be worth every penny if it allows you to move forward with eyes open. Be sure you bring a list of questions, and make sure you include overall, or total, cost as one of your questions. Hiring an attorney can cost $10,000 to start, and many tens (if not hundreds) of thousands to complete. Your finances and what you spend on assistance in your case (and how!) can be a huge consideration that is often overlooked at the outset of a case.

In a court case, any court case, knowledge is power. There’s a lot of information out there, so learn how to find accurate and helpful information and use it.

Protecting your finances in a California separation or divorce

One of the most difficult aspects of divorce is the financial aspect.  Suddenly, two households need to be maintained with the same income as what maintained one household before the separation.  In addition, there are court filing fees, attorney fees, expenses for getting a new home and new ‘stuff,’ and many hidden expenses, such as the expense for taking time off work for court hearings, expenses in increased insurance, for example, and the list goes on.

One of the ways to protect yourself is to talk to both an attorney and a financial advisor.  Both should be qualified and be working to help you and not trying to get more money out of you.  If you educate yourself on the legal process and financial planning, you can make better decisions throughout the process. This will help you in the long run.

In addition, make sure you change the beneficiaries on your life insurance, retirements, and other payable-on-death accounts.  Do you really want your ex getting your money? Similarly, update your estate plan to reflect your new circumstances. Note, however, that in California, once the Petition has been filed and served, you may not change your estate plan during the divorce/separation action without permission from your spouse or a court order.

Finally, do an assessment of what you have.  Assemble your life insurance, bank/stock account documents, retirement accounts, debts, etc., and put them all in one place.  Knowing what you have can be the first step in determining where you’re going and how to get there.

Ancillary issues in California divorce: Insurance

The divorce process is long, difficult, and can be complex.  At the end of it, most clients/litigants/parties just feel relieved it’s over and don’t want to think about any aspect of the whole process anymore.  This is a dangerous place to be in, regardless of how natural it is after such an ordeal, because many loose ends can ultimately remain loose and come back to hurt you and your family.  We’ll focus on insurance today, but there are other loose ends in terms of financial/college planning, estate planning, and taxes that should also be addressed post-divorce.  With regard to insurance, if you’re getting divorced or have just become divorced, you should:

  1. Update the beneficiaries on your life insurance.  The same is true for any of your other payable on death (POD) accounts or retirement accounts, 401Ks, etc.  You don’t want your ex to get the money should something happen to  you, do you?
  2. Look into health insurance plans and cost.  If you are covered under your spouse’s health insurance plan, once you are divorced, you can no longer be covered by that plan. So you will need to look into COBRA, if that is available, or look into getting your own plan.  This can be a lengthy and difficult process, in California can dramatically affect support calculations, and be shockingly expensive, so the earlier you look into this and are prepared, the better.
  3. Update/change your home and auto insurance.  Most couples will separate their auto insurance, which may mean losing a multiple car discount, and may also lose a combination discount if your home insurance is bundled with your auto insurance. Speaking of home insurance, you want to make sure you update that if one spouse moves out of the family home.  Your best bet is to talk with an experienced insurance broker who can help you.  A broker is better than a captive agent (State Farm, Nationwide, etc.) and much better than trying  your luck online.

These are the main insurances to worry about. Some couples will have to work with long-term care policies or other kinds of insurance, and each circumstance varies depending on the individuals and family involved. But it’s very important not to leave these loose ends untied at the end of a divorce, regardless of how tired you are of the process.  The best way to deal with these things is to have professionals working for you, who make the process easier.


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